Lagom

Oh, they should have mentioned this to us at orientation in August!  Read below for an idea of what lagom is:


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Lagom means ‘moderation, balance, just right…’, and many more things besides…

In Sweden, the word lagom [pron. lar-gom] is considered so Swedish that many Swedes maintain it cannot be translated into another language. Also Swedes are quite divided as to whether lagom is a good thing or a bad thing. ‘Lagom och svensk’ (lagom and Swedish) implies drab, colourless and a bit boring; whereas ‘lagom är bäst’ (lagom is best) means moderation, balance and the wisdom of defining the best possible course of action between two extremes.

Regardless of interpretation Swedish people pride themselves on this most Swedish of Swedish words – it does not exist in Danish or Norwegian, neither as a word nor as concept – nor, according to local mythology at least (see below) – anywhere else.*

According to the Swedish Academy lagom simply means ‘according to the law’ (lag = law) but there are many popular stories about the ‘true’ meaning of the word. In the old days Vikings would sit around a big table as a lag (lag = team) and share a bowl of mead (beer). The bowl had to go around the team (om = around) in order that everyone get their fair share, hence lagom – around the team. Other versions suggest that it was a dish of soap passed around the team (!), or a bowl of soup (which could be attributed to misprints – in Swedish soap is såpa, and soup is soppa). In another version it is a basket of bread. 


Regardless, lagom as passing whatever-it-is around so that everyone gets their fair share, explains many attributes of contemporary Swedish society: collectivism, social welfare, thinking of the group and not just oneself, teamwork, co-operation, consensus, avoiding extremes, avoiding confrontation, compromise, being considerate, being polite.

Being polite means avoiding unnecessary conflicts (which is different to avoiding conflicts), and there are many Swedish aphorisms that reflect this cultural virtue. For instance:

“do not wake the sleeping bear”
“better to run away than fight poorly”

“don’t throw stones in a glass house”
“is it clean flour in the sack?”
“don’t buy a pig in the bag” 

Being polite also means being diplomatic, and the polite language of Swedish diplomacy can be confounding to their Nordic neighbours. A Finnish manager who had been living and working in Sweden for a year figured she had unlocked the mystery of Swedish communication. Finnish business people are renowned for their direct no-nonsense communication style, in contrast to Swedish lagom discourse. Here are some of her observations: If you are in a business meeting and your Swedish colleague listens to your proposal, and says ‘yes, we will consider it’, he actually means ‘no’. ‘Yes, but’ also means ‘no’; and ‘please understand’, means ‘no’. ‘Yes, you are right’, means, ‘you are wrong’, and ‘hmmm’, means ‘no, definitely no’.

Another favoured Swedish word for expressing diplomacy is nja – which means yes and no at the same time (take your pick).

A Swedish television poll in 2008 revealed that 76% of Swedish people considered lagom as positive; and 24% negative. Not bad odds considering the stigma to the ‘so Swedish and lagom boring’ epithet favoured by students at Swedish business schools, and the inhabitants of Skåne (southern Sweden) and Jämtland and Norrland (northern Sweden) and the Danes across the Öresund.


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And here's more: 

Anyone who has grown up in Sweden learned early on that “lagom är bäst”, lagom is best. Lagom, which does not have an exact equivalent in English, translates approximately to “just enough” or “everything in moderation.” To a Swede it means the ideal place, where everything is as it should be. To understand the Swedes, one must understand lagom.

The concept of lagom colors Swedish attitudes and beliefs and is used in all possible contexts. For Americans, who strive for that which is biggest, most and best, and for whom “the sky is the limit”, the Swedish desire for lagom often seems very limiting.

If the basic belief is, “lagom is best”, it is not difficult to understand the Swedes’ lack of appreciation of anything that appears to be excessive. So, what happens when the Swedish lagom approach encounters the American attitude, which often thrives on pushing the limits?

One example, frequently mentioned by Swedes in the U.S., relates to how to prepare a resume. Most career counselors in the U.S. recommend making accomplishments sound as impressive as possible in order to make the job seeker stand out from other applicants. To the Swede, for whom anything that feels like an exaggeration is uncomfortable, the resume is usually a factual account of experiences and skills. As a result, the resume by the Swede, although accurate, may appear less than impressive when compared with a resume by an American with the same qualifications. Both the Swede and the American will benefit by being aware of this and by making appropriate adjustments.

The value of lagom, if you consult a Swede, is indisputable; it does after all keep things from getting too extreme. It also offers a comfortable guideline for conducting one’s life. However, from an American perspective, lagom often seems less than ideal. How can you excel if your aspirations must be held in check? Why should you settle for less if you don’t have to.

Lagom may be a little word, but its impact can be great. Whether you believe that it represents an ideal rule for living – that lagom is indeed best, or see it as an obstacle to reaching greatness, one thing seems clear – for Swedes living in the U.S., the best policy may be to be lagom! And for the American who wants to impress a Swede, cutting back on the superlatives is not a bad idea.


Sources: 


http://www.liveinsweden.se/swedes/swedes-john-alexander/%E2%80%99lagom%E2%80%99-best

http://www.culturalcoach.com/?p=5

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Well, it's not too late; time to embrace lagom and cut down on my North American chatterbox!